Diving in Head First

A couple things about me - big changes petrify me and large financial commitments stress me. I am a tax CPA, I have an accounting bachelor degree and a master's of taxation. I studied the financial world for five years and have been working in that world for four. I firmly believe a good house is a good investment, yes markets can fall but they also rise. Armed with all my financial knowledge and with a bevy of years of advice/tips from my fixer-upper parents, I began the house hunt.

I met with my realtor, Cristy Christy, (nope, not a typo that is her name) for the first time on June 30th. After one prior offer and withdrawal, I found this place on Monday, August 4th and made an offer. By that Friday, I was in my 10 day inspection period. In less than a month and a half I went from the looking phase to the purchasing phase. All the time I remained surprisingly calm and confident about my choice. I kept waiting for the freak out, a major meltdown but it never came.

Because the process went so much faster than I had expected or planned, I did have a little bit of a dilemma. I have a lease on my apartment till mid-November. I was closing mid-September. Two months of rent and a mortgage and double utilities. As a solution, I asked if my sister and her family wanted to rent from me. They were moving to Phoenix and needed a place. I gave them a pretty good price and a deal was struck. It wasn't ideal, my very first home and my sister was going to move in first but it was the most logical and financially best choice.

The week of closing, I got all my utilities set up and the day before close I did my final walk through. Everything looked great and still no buyer's remorse or worry. Even though I felt confident about the decision, the financial obligation was still very large and I was expecting buyer's remorse to hit soon probably as soon as title cleared. On Friday I checked my email all day long waiting to hear when title cleared and I could get keys. Finally, around 3pm the email came. I was so excited, I made plans to meet my realtor with keys at 4:30pm and left work a little early. And still only excitement and anticipation, no remorse whatsoever.

I got to my brand new house and found my sister with a look on her face, something was wrong. As I walked in my brand new house I saw gas station cups on the counter, odd, those hadn't been there last night. The arcadia door to the backyard was wide open. The guest bathroom had been peed on, all over. The final devastating blow, someone had smoked an entire cigarette in my master bedroom. Butt and ashes left on the windowsill and ashes on the brand new carpet. It reeked of smoke.

I saw red!

What?! Who?! WHY?! Why MY brand new house, didn't they know this was my first ever home purchase? Why is society so screwed up? I was so angry and I had no one to blame. No one to pay for this. No one to clean it up. No one to make it all go away. It was my home, my responsibility. It was hard for me to swallow this.

Due to my blinding anger and a prior super unhelpful police incident, I figured it was pointless calling the police. Lesson 1: hopefully this never happens again, but if so I will call the police. Also, I had my sister's family moving in the very next day and I had a mess to clean up, so we cleaned up all the evidence before I even thought to take a picture. Lesson 2: Take photos first thing. (Though on a personal level I'm glad I don't have photos of the desecration, I think they would still bring up so much anger and without them it just feels like a horrible nightmare.)

Needless to say I had a long weekend of scrubbing every inch of the floor, ceiling, and walls. A few other things went wrong that weekend. It was a long, exhausting couple of days. I definitely dove headfirst into real life home ownership. Strangely enough, despite the great deal of anger I felt and the frustrations of the weekend, I never felt buyer's remorse.  25 days in and I still feel good about my purchase.

Shock

Never fails, I start working on a tax return and suddenly remember EXTREMELY important things I need/want to do. I have realized that I will most definitely forget those oh-so important items. Enter the post-it pad. I have come home with as many as six at a time. Today I came home with one - this one.

I am currently working 65 hours a week and too busy to take any kind of real break, so yes, today I put my emotions on a to do list.  (This may be a first.) I had gotten on facebook for a quick break from the numbers and saw something that shocked me. 

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Not the normal, surprise, "oh, never thought that would happen," "hmm, never thought she'd do that". This shock is a combination of "they're doing WHAT?" and "oh DANG...I care... A LOT". This shock literally catches my breath and causes a hard pause. What do I mean, well here's an example from a year ago. 

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My younger sister (by 5 years) got married. Making me the only single one of seven siblings. Do I feel lonely at times? Yep. Do I want to be married? Of course. Was I upset, frustrated, mad, or a little jealous - nope, not even a little. I was completely happy for her, he seemed like a good match and they were happy. Flash forward a couple months, my younger brother calls and tells me he and his wife are expecting. SHOCK! Breathe, "oh, uh, I thought you guys were waiting till you were done with school?" As he talks, the tri-fecta continues...a quick flash of silent anger/indignation/frustration and then tears. 

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The amount of tears varies and usually surprise me even more, "really, I'm this upset, what the heck is wrong with me?" These moments frustrate me because whatever has happened is usually a logical thing. In this case, they were married, Matthew wants a lot of kids and they're Mormon - having a kid, not really a surprising event. AND in the moment, I know tomorrow I'll be just fine and I tell myself this. YET... I can't stop the flood.

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So what's a girl to do - Call Erica, my pick-me up, my BFF, my cheerleader, my free therapist. She always tells me, "you is smart, you is kind, you is important." Oh wait, that's what Aibileen tells Mae Mobley. Well essentially that's what Erica says, just not in Southern. She also includes some variation of  "you is beautiful." Today the exact term was "gorgeous." (I love that word, esp. in reference to me.) No matter the words she uses, I always hang up feeling smart, kind, important and beautiful. Freak out over. 

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So despite being at work almost all day, ick! and have a mini freak-out, ugh! Today I can check off my to do list. That's a good day.